#22: Cosmos (1985)

Poor Cosmos. In all the fiction ever published about him, he just seems to get beaten up. In the cartoon, he was shot at, eaten by cybernetic plants, worshipped as a false idol, you name it. In the comics, he had his face literally taken off by a shady government agency, only to be amalgamated into a giant robot by Circuit Breaker, in order to fight the Decepticons. If only she'd asked...

All Cosmos ever wanted was to see his friends. His Tech Spec bio states that he gets lonely in outer space, being one of the Autobots' first lines of defence against the Decepticons. He realises that his job is extremely important, but as a social creature, it doesn't make it easy for him. I always felt for Cosmos as a child, it seemed so unfair that he'd feel that way. But while the Decepticon Blast Off (who was in the same boat as Cosmos; spacebound and lonely) covered up his feelings by being overly aloof, Cosmos goofs off, landing in people's backyards and scaring them a bit. Good fun, for Cosmos at least.

In the cartoon, his voice always sounded slightly Hispanic to me; it wasn't until years later that I found out that this was actually supposed to be an impersonation of Peter Lorre, something I'm still not convinced by. If it IS supposed to be that, it's not a great impression. I can do better, and I always end up sounding Chinese, apparently.

They toy, like all Minibots, is classic and simple; in Cosmos' case, he's squat, short and has more back than a pack of bacon; but his UFO alt-mode is a complete joy, and his colour scheme is bright and cheerful. I've noted over the years that he's a favourite with the girls, too. He's cute, apparently.

Cosmos may be a lonely guy. But he's loved in the fandom, for both his fictional portrayals and his toy. There are third party versions of him out there; seeing as Hasbro seem to be the ones giving him little to no love these days, maybe it's their turn to make the little guy even more awesome than he already is.

#21: Fangry (1988)

Fangry was the only Headmaster I ever owned. Therefore, he is my favourite Headmaster. Well, of the second set of them that appeared, anyway. For some reason, I like rebellious types, especially Decepticons, so this guy was just about perfect in my eyes. A warrior that despises being led, that actively rails against authority. Traits you would normally associate with the hero. But no, this was one of the bad guys, ticking every box of the lone wolf hero meme. To my young mind, awesome.

Of course, the fact that he turned into a winged wolf...thing...helped too, I always did like robotic beast modes like Snapdragon or Apeface et al, so Fangry's almost mythological appearance spoke volumes to me.

He actually got some decent comic time too, especially at the end of the Transformers original un, he even had a bit of a rivalry with Grimlock going on, which considering Grimlock was the de facto Autobot leader at the time, is no mean feat.

Let's face it, the toy ain't great. There's next to no articulation, he has a giant hole in his crotch, and the alt-mode's head and arms are a bit out of proportion there. But as with many G1 toys, I can overlook that, because as a whole package, it works. And he's pink. Let's be honest here, any robot that's pink gets a free pass for me. Because iof they can make that colour look reasonably cool, then they deserve to be regarded as great.

In Japan of course, Fangry wasn't Fangry, he was Wilder, a biker gang member with tons of attitude and teenage angst. He kicked a puppy to death, you know. I'm not even lying.The worst that Fangry did was jump Grimlock from behind.

#20: Slag (1985)

These days, it seems to be totally uncool to like the Dinbots. Well, Grimlock anyway. Transformers fans seem to suffer from 'Grimlock Fatigue', where the mere mention of the Dinobots illicits an eye roll of heavy sigh from many. Of course, there are still some who still get giddy whenever they even think about the Dinobots. I'm one of them. Yep, I'll admit it. I love the Dinobots. I love that I had a few of them as a kid (well, my brother did, anyway). And I still want, nay NEED Hasbro to bring out the classics again (not likely), or at the very least get the Fall of Cybertron ones out quick smart (even if they don't seem to be keen to release them in the UK).

Back to G1 Slag though. Yes, I do realise that in the UK his name is considered an insult. To be fair, it's probably meant as an insult on Cybertron too, albeit in a very different way. But Slag's a funny one; he's probably the Dinobot that gets the third most amount of attention (after Grimlock and Swoop), however, he never really seems to DO anything. In the G1 cartoon he agreed with anything Grimlock did as long as he got to beat Decepticons up; in the G1 comic he was just kinda there; and in IDW, pretty much the same story. He's always around, he has a great bio, but he never seems to do much. I guess it's difficult with a character who hates everyone, to actually have them do anything that could push a story along. Plus, if he's not a team player, who in their right mind would trust him anyway?

They toy, let's face it, is a complete and total classic. It's a Diaclone toy, repurposed for the job (you can tell by the tiny little seat that should hold a mini driver - not the actress), but to every Transformers fan, that's a piece of their childhood, right there. I wish that Hasbro would reissue these toys (if they're able)/ To have a good, working, shiny set of Dinobots - well, that would be a Holy Grail, right there. Plus, Triceratops is my favourite dinosaur. So Slag was always going to be high on my list.

To recap then: I love dinosaurs, I love the Dinobots and I love Slag. His bio is awesome, and the times when he has popped up in fiction and done stuff, he's been great. So even if Slag would hate to hear it, and he'd probably roast me alive with his flamethrower, I love that guy.

#19: Greasepit (1989)

A cpuple of years ago I made a decision. I was going to collect as much Micromasters swag as I could at that year's Auto Assembly (a British Transformers convention). Unlike many promises I make in my life, such as washing-up, or cleaning the bathroom, I actually made good on this promise, picking up nearly all the bases, most of the teams, and a good couple of cominbers to boot. One of the battle stations I picked up was Greasepit's gas station.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. I LOVE Micromasters. I also love their Tech Specs. The fact that these little toys got as good and extensive a bio from Hasbro is nothing short of amazing to me. It wouldn't happen now. Heck, the full size toys generally just get "Autobot Prowl is an Autobot" or somesuch nonsense. So for Greasepit to get a bio that unequivocally lets you know that he's a mean-spirited petty thief who sounds pretty much like a robotic Arthur Daley is absolutely brilliant. Also, look at the skill level for this guy. No wonder he's so good at swindling people.

Of course, Greasepit has NO fiction to speak of. Not even in Dreamwave's shocking Micromasters mini series. That was bad, people. REAL bad. Maybe it's good that he got nothing. That being said, can someone at IDW just consider a series of some sort? Just a little one?

The toy is great. It really is. It's a battle station that comes with a little Decepticon that transforms. Yes, it's a repaint of Mudslinger from the Autobot Off-Road Patrol, but still, it's a toy within a toy. And people wonder why I love Micromasters so darn much. Unlike Airwave's battle station (which we'll talk about another time), Greasepit's station actually looks like two completely different modes. I love the way the thing folds out, revealing a battle platform with a million guns of death, to then look exactly like the Esso garage down the road. I wonder if Greasepit stands behind the glass at night, selling Pringles and Hob Nobs to 'tired' students?

All in all then, a marvelous example of what Micromasters can be, and a good illustration of why I love them. Because they're awesome. I want more. NEED, in fact.

#18: Mainframe (1990)

Mainframe, being one of the 'original' characters created for the Action Master line, alwas had a major disadvantage when it came to the buying public. Whereas even the most casual fan would have wanted a Bumblebee or a Soundwave, the original characters were a much harder sell. Obviously these days this isn't a problem, with Roberts and Roche making all the Action Masters insanely cool and desirable. but in 1990 this wasn't the case.

It's a shame really, because Mainframe's Tech Spec bio paints a very interesting picture of a 'bot who really just wants to be left alone to process data and write code. Pretty much the Transformers version of Moss from the IT crowd, then. Let's put it this way; if ever he gets a voice in a cartoon, Richard Ayoade should be playing him. It's certainly his voice I'll hear when I see Mainframe's dialogue in comics. Also, notice the Mainframe's intelligence and skill levels; perfect 10. This guy is formidable, yo.

The toy, as with most Action Masters, is chock-full of personality. I know not many may agree, but I wish this line had been given just a little more time to grow and flourish. I know, they didn't transform, but that was only half the story, as action figures they were quite awesome and looked good. Mainframe's partner Push-Button was cool too, especially with the blue/neon yellow colouring. I liked his bio too, that he hated being a debugger and just wanted to be out there, busting Decepticreeps. Poor little guy.

Mainframe then, was one of the better Action Masters, a good toy, and a good, well thought out Tech Spec bio. Here's hoping that Rocherts do something pretty darn cool with him on the Lost Light (unless they've killed him already). Also, what do you think he might have transformed into prior to Actionisation?

#17: Octopunch (1989)

Octopunch always unnerved me. Even when I bought the figure in 1990, he still unnerved me slightly. I blame Andrew Wildman for this. See, the toy always showed Octopunch's pretender shell's face pretty clearly, but Wildman used to draw his diver's helmet with a darkened glass front, with only a glimpse of sharp teeth giving any hint of the terrifying visage behind.

Octopunch might have scared me slightly, but even I knew how cool he was. Forget Bludgeon, it was Octopunch I liked best, and in 1990 I saved up my paper round money and bought him from Fenwick's of York. Can't for the life of me remember for how much, but I do remember that it was a Saturday, and I do remember that the godawful George and Mildred movie from the 70's was on ITV when I got back.

As he was cool in the comics, his Tech Spec bio was awesome as well, this was no ordinary Decepticon, this guy was a hunter of the deep, specialised to take on submarines and ships, and WHALES, damnit. He had tentacles, was some sort of mutant/hybrid sea creature, and his inner robot transformed into an armoured crab. Suffice to say, I really liked this guy.

They toy was, as all the second round of Pretenders were, a vast improvement on the first. There were more paint applications, more detail, and more personality all round. Sadly, the articulation was the same, and many didn't like the fact that they were scaled down. Personally, I thought this was better, as it meant a cheaper pricepoint, but there you go.

It's a shame that Bludgeon took (and still takes) centre stage where these Pretenders are concerned. Octopunch deserves more of the spotlight in my opinion. It's nice that his Shattered Glass version has been getting some face time, though. More face time for OG Octopunch might mean a lot of traumatised people, after all. Damn Andrew Wildman, and his scary drawings of teeth.

#16: Hound (1984)

Hound is a funny old thing. For a few reasons. One, I don't think I've ever met anyone who owned him as a kid, two, I've never seen an intact version nowadays, and three, it's strange to think that it was Hound who was supposed to be the 'kiddie interest' character when the G1 cartoon started all of those years ago.

Don't believe me? Watch "More than Meets the Eye" parts 1-3. You'll notice, hardly any Bumblebee and Spike. It's all Hound and Spike. It's also Hound who longs to be human, who loves Earth the most. It even says that on his Tech Specs. It should be Hound sooaking up all of the adoration from kidlets all around the world, and Bumblebee should be nothing more than a footnote. Some unkind souls might say things might be better that way, but I'm not one of them.

Hound then, was one of the Autobots that typified what they were all about to me; they were doctors, cartographers, scientists, all forced into fighting the military might that was the Decepticon army. They didn't want to fight but they did, for the things they truly believed in. That's what made them heroes to kids, ultimately. Still does, in my book.

His toy wasn't bad either, a bit short and stumpy, but then this was 1984, and he transformed into a Jeep. That's pretty darn cool in anyone's book. It's not a bad looking Jeep, either. Admittedly his Universe version would completely blow it out of the water (and most of the Universe line too, it has to be said), but that's another story for another time.

Hound then, is the guy that should be everywhere now. Unlike the yellow guy who eventually got the gig because he sold for less. Such is life. There's a lesson in there somewhere, I'm sure.