#59: Ironworks (1989)

One of the coolest things about Micromasters were the bases. The fact that these little figures could essentially have a whole 'city' to play in if you collected all of the myriad playsets was really quite awesome. Sadly, I haven't been able to collect them all (yet), but believe me, one of these days, that's exactly what I'm going to do, and my Man Cave will be resplendent and replete with Micromasters.

Ironworks only ever had fiction in Japan, and never showed up in the west at all. In the Land of the Rising Sun, he and the construction station (the base aspect of the toy) turned up briefly in the one and only cartoon produced for 'Zone' (the main Micromasters fiction) 'Enter the New Supreme Commander, Dai Atlas!'. and in the manga and story pages that followed on from the cartoon. Ironworks' only function as far as I can tell is that he helped fend off the Decepticons from attacking the Autobots, and really, that's about it. Shame. Still, that's way more than he got in the west, at least. 

To be fair, if he'd had fiction, there isn't much in his Tech Specs to suggest what he might have been like, considering that most of that concerns itself with what he can do, rather than what he's like. This seems to be a leimotif of later Tech Spec bios, almost as if Hasbro had given up by this point even trying to make their toys interesting, and just getting them out there. As we know, that's pretty much how it happened.

The toy itself, is great, mainly because of the playset aspect. Ironworks himself is a repaint of the Off-Road Patrol's team leader Powertrain, and that in itself is a positive boon, because it's an off-the-wall toy which is different to most of the Micromasters around at the time, transforming into a truck cab and all. Rendered in a very nice construction yellow, Ironworks commands a transforming base, which is both a construction yard, and what appears to be a fortified communications tower (at least I think that's what it is). Without other Micromasters, this isn't a great base by itself, but with a couple of patrols, and even hitched up to another base, and it becomes rather nifty and quite awesome. This isn't a bad thing, because that's what it was built for, collectability. It's not meant as a standalone piece, and because of that, it works perfectly. So if you're into your Micromasters, then this a definite. Thumbs up for Ironworks!

#58: Sports Car Patrol (1989)

Micromasters first appeared in 1989, to compete with Galoob's Micro Machines, which were Hot Wheels but a lot smaller, to put it in basic terms. Micromasters of course had the added bonus in that they transformed into tiny robots as well, and a whole backstory was created in the comics whereupon fuel had become scarce on Cybertron and the Transformers therefore had to downscale in order to keep running. (Dreamwave went a bit further than this, to make them another faction completely, run along the lines of street gangs, but this is generally considered awful. Along with most of DW's stuff)

I was down with Micromasters from the get-go. I don't know what it is, but I like the little guys. From the very first time I got a set of my own (the Off-Road Patrol), I was hooked. The Sports car Patrol didn't help any with my addiction.It didn't help that their Tech Spec bio was pretty rad, either. A team of mini miscreants, whose main funtion is clearing the road for their bigger brothers? Count me in, because that sounds like a lot of fun. It helps that their designs are cool, from the hot hatchback glory that is Blackjack, to my own personal favourite, the quite frankly eye-searing electric neon blue and amazing naming that is the mighty Hyperdrive. Everything about these guys is immensely cool to me, and for the life of me I can't explain why. It must be some kind of primeval thing.

Sadly, they didn't appear too much in the original Marvel comics, mainly because their Air Strike Patrol cousins got all of the love, being pitted against the Race Car Patrol. I should think that two sets of cars battling each other was deemed too much, and so Blackjack and the boys didn't really get much of a look-in. As for the DW 'effort', let's just forget that ever happened, and hope that IDW come up with something someways down the line. Although I'm not going to hold me breath on that one.

They toys, how shall I put it, are SPECTACULAR. As I stated earlier, they're four mini bundles of joy, all distinct, all different (apart from the transformations, which are ALL THE SAME. Get used to that with Micromasters.) One running theme you will notice is that of colour reversal; Blackjack and Road Hugger share purple and black; Detour and Hyperdrive yellow and blue. Personally, I like this and think it's a clever way to make these toys economical; some people will think of it as cheap and possibly even a bit nasty. But then Micromasters have always been a bit Marmitey, I find.

My love for Micromasters is pretty well known by now, I should think, so I won't labour the point too much, but I do think that everyone needs at least one MM set in their life at some point. The Sports Car Patrol isn't a bad one to have, not at all. I heartily recommend them to anyone looking to purchase a set. If you only get one, get Hyperdrive. Because he's awesome.

#57: Seaspray (1985)

As everyone knows, minibots are cool. So it's really no surprise at all to find that Seaspray, one the 1985 wave of minibots, is cool. There are a number of reasons for this.

1. He's a minibot
2. He transforms into a hovercraft. Hovercrafts are cool.
3. His voice in the cartoon. Provided by the amazing  Alan Oppenheimer (who voiced Skeletor, which is cool), Seapray actually gargled when he spoke, making his voice sound bubbly and sea-like. This is very cool (although a bit tough on the vocal chords when trying to imitate).
4. His job is 'Naval  Defence'. He's a naval tactician. This is cool.

That's all the convincing you need, right? No?

Ok then. How about the fact that his Tech Specs don't have the usual guff like 'has to stay at sea, and is therefore morose and lonely'? Seaspray LOVES his job, keeping the waterways clean and well-defended. Unlike plenty, if not all, other bots in a similar position, Seaspray doesn't get down about not being part of the 'main' team, as it were. What he does is just as important as what they do, and that's enough for him. That's pretty cool.

Seaspray also got one of the strangest episodes of the cartoon to himself too. Sea Change involves aquatic aliens, a rogue Cybertronian robot, and Rumble being transmogrified into a tree. No, seriously. Watch the episode at the end of the blog and find out for yourself.

Yep, Seaspray's toy is cool. As if you could ever doubt that. He transforms, as mentioned earlier, into a hovercraft, with a nice, simple, and striking colour scheme. He also differs from the main bunch of minibots in a few ways, being a completely different design, and not being a generic car like many of the others. He's very cool, obviously.

Seaspray's a bit different to the other minibots. He's aquatic and not a car, he's a little bit funkier. He's also a lot happier than many Autobots, having been given a job to do that he actually enjoys, even though it keeps him away from the others for long periods of time. Seaspray is a breath of fresh air, both as a toy, and as a character, and for that alone, I think he is very, very, cool.

#56: Rippersnapper (1987)

Rippersnapper, like the Terrorcons, suffered from "Too Late in the Franchise" syndrome. Because both they and the Technobots arrived on the scene in 1987, then they weren't privy to the vast amounts of fiction as say, the Combaticons or the Aerialbots were. And they weren't quite so lucky as the Predacons, who didn't really have much competition in their era (and probably weren't as cool, let's be honest). So Rippersnapper had to make do with only two episodes of any worth (if you don't count the Japanese episodes he was in during the Headmasters series. All they really did was smash seven bells out of each other anyway.)

Firstly came Grimlock's New Brain, which introduced both the Terrorcons and Technobots, by way of Grimlock creating the Technobots. I always had a problem with this, because Vector Sigma wasn't involved. Or the Creation Matrix. And it seemed to screw Grimlock royally out of being his comic book self in the cartoon. Regardless, the Terrorcons did quite well out of the episode, but sadly not individually. They kind of came as a package, or not at all.

In the next episode they were in, they were being mind controlled by the Quintessons. Yep, the bloody Quints. It really doesn't say much for Decepticon superiority when a bunch of badly rendered faces on a squid body can subdue you, right? Good episode though, if only for the fact that the Transformers' universe equivalent of Han Solo was in it.

In the comics, Rippersnapper aided his compadres during the Headmasters conflict, and then relocated to Earth just in time for the Decepticon Civil War. Then, like all of his team (and lots of other toys being made way for 1988's cavalcade of characters), he was brutally finished off by the Underbase-Powered Starscream. Shame.

In IDW, the Terrorcons haven't really made their mark yet, having only been in one story featuring Sixshot and the Reapers. Hopefully, Rippersnapper will get some face time at some point, because I really do think that a self-hating, bullying character like his is worth a look. The fact that he's a bully and a nasty piece of work is basically the culmination of years of self-loathing is a fascinating concept, and worthy of a good character study. I live in hope.

Rippersnapper transforms into a bipedal shark...thing. Which is awesome. No, really, it is. All the Terrorcon alt-modes are cool, but his is the coolest, because it's so odd. Like the shark from Jaws growing arms and legs, then coming out of the sea to menace Chief Brody. Admittedly, the robot mode is a bit rubbish, but all of the Scramble City robot modes are suspect, if we're being honest. The limb, and the alt-mode are always key, here. And in Rippersnapper's case, they both work wonderfully.

Rippersnapper joins the legions of late-era Transformers who didn't get any fiction due to lack of time and effort, and the fact that newer toys were being brought out all the time, so some toys got left by the wayside. Now that's not a consideration anymore, can someone give the Terrorcons and Technobots some decent fiction please? They're kinda awesome, and the definitely deserve it.

#55: Hosehead (1988)

Hosehead, like all of the small Headmasters of 1988, hardly got any fiction. This was mainly because by the time he came around, the cartoon had been finished for a number of months, and the comics were focusing on the bigger Powermaster toys of the period. If you want to see cartoons of the toy, you have to go to Japan and Masterforce, but that's a completely different character. A really whiny character.

Hosehead himself didn't fare too badly in the comics though, it would seem, gaining an origin story of sorts, and even joining with Siren and Nightbeat to defeat the Creation Matrix powered Deathbringer, setting off soon after on the Matrix Quest to find the said Maguffin to destroy the planet-eater, Unicron. Hosehead helped defeat the Matrix infused Thunderwing, before being transported to Cyberton to fight Unicron. Sadly, although Unicron was eventually defeated, Hosehead wasn't one of the survivors, his wreckage being shown as part of the 'this planet is screwed' montage.

In the IDWverse he is still alive (as far as I know); he just hasn't really done anything yet.

I like the Headmaster Jr (as they were known in Japan) toys. They're not as good as their larger counterparts from a year earlier, but they certainly have their charm, and they're cleverly put together. I like the way that their helmets (arf) become the chairs for their Nebulan partners, and I like the fact that they transform into rescue vehicles instead of the Cybertronian forms that had previously been the norm. These are toys that I definitely want to own sometime, because they're kind of awesome.

Hosehead, like Kickback, suffers from third wheel syndrome; in this case Siren suffered from it too. Nightbeat was the star of this set, mainly because Simon Furman loved the fact that he was a bit of a gumshoe. Hosehead couldn't compete, being a fireman. I suppose he could have written him as a character from London's Burning, but...well, that would just be silly.

#54: Gutcruncher (1990)

Gutcruncher is the ultimate capitalist, really. I adore the fact that as he's blasting away at the Autobots he's totting up how much they're going to be worth to him in scrap. It's almost as if he's the unholy union betwixt businessman and environmentalist recycler. Sort of if you crossed Mitt Romney with Swampy. (little bit of politics creeping in there, missus.)

As an Action Master of course, Gutcruncher didn't transform, but it's pretty obvious that he'd have been some kind of tank previously (and he did get an homage in the movieverse 'Sparkcrusher', who did turn into a tank), which is sort of cool. One of the good things about Action Masters is that they did give you some clue about what characters previously had as their alt-modes.

Sadly though, Gutcruncher joins the ranks of all the Transformers that have had little to no fiction devoted to them. He got absolutely nothing in G1 apart from a very brief ad appearance, in the IDWverse he's shown up a few times, bt nothing that you'd write home about, and he's always been very easily beaten as a generic goon, and he's been in a few unoffical gigs. In fact, he's had more time in the Shattered Glass universe than anywhere else, and that's not even this version of Gutcruncher.

There's no getting around it; Gutcruncher's toy is awesome. True, he was only available with the 'Stratotronic Jet'as they called it, but the jet's a pretty cool piece of kit. as well as a plane, it became a base/tank/battlestation affair, and also had a speedboat/jetski thing going on. Another great thing about Action Masters is that the bigger vehicles were basically playsets, and let's face it, who doesn't love a good playset? Especially when their colours don't really match up to the figure that's go to sit inside them, so the whole thing looks like a bit of a mess. That's Hasbro for you, and especially during this period.

Gutcruncher then, is a perfect example of a late era Transformer. Good toy, good tech spec bio, NO FICTION. Here's hoping that he finds his place in the IDWverse, because the characterisation is sound, and well worth a story or two. Whcih, as any good capitalist knows, is always worth a few bob.

#53: Wide Load (1987)

I'll say this now; I like the Throttlebots. I know, I know, I said it all the way back when I looked at Rollbar, but I think it bears repeating. Mainly because although Wide Load was a good toy (for a cheap price point poicket money toy, that is), he didn't fare well in Transformers lore. Not at all, in fact. Truth be told, this guy did absolutely NOTHING of any worth in the Transformers universe. I know this, because I've looked. I've scoured. I've plumbed the depths of Transformers fiction. And nothing. At all. Nada. Zilch.

Ok, well that's sort of a lie. I mean, he did stuff. But nothing to distinguish himself from all the other Throttlebots. He just rolled with them, said little, did little. He got turned into a toy car. He evaded capture by the Decepticons. He was placed in his reconstructed Throttlebot body, only to be totalled by Starscream soon after. In the cartoons, he appeared briefly in the Rebirth. Then in the IDWverse, he was shot whilst trying to shoot Sixshot. That's it.

His Tech Spec bio doesn't help. It's a bit vague, if I'm being honest. If all it gives you is 'is a bit vain and can pull heavy stuff', then you're going to have to work hard to get any fiction of worth out there. Especially in a period when all Hasbro wanted to do is get the toys out there and be seen.

As I said earlier, Wide Load is a cheap, pocket money toy with a gimmick. The gimmick is basically pull back and go, and the toy is built around that. Which means no articulation, no intricate transformation, and serious scale issues, if you believe that a dump truck is the same size as a jeep. I mean, it could happen, but only in insano universe. Still it's a good toy, it does what it needs to very well, and is bright and cheerful. Which when you're 10 (or in my case 36), is all you want, really.

Wide Load suffers from cheap Transformer disease; because the Throttlebots weren't the most expensive toys, there was little impetus to try and build any kind of fiction around them, because they weren't the toys that Hasbro really wanted your mum and dad to buy. That was the Powermaster Prime, or Galvatron, or Ultra Magnus. So they got all the cool stories, and the Throttlebots were turned into r/c cars. Boo.