#29: Wildfly (1989)

Wildfly is one of those few Transformers that up until about 10 years or so ago (whenever the Dreamwave More Than Meets the Eye guides came out) I didn't even know existed. I don't think the Pretender Monsters ever got as far as York, if I'm being honest. If they did, I don't ever remember seeing them in any of the shops I bought Transformers from. Which is a real shame, because I would have loved them. Micromasters that are also Pretenders that also combine? Sign me up!

For those that don't know what Pretenders were, they were Transformers who also had an organic shell that looked like humans (Autobots) or monsters, demons, etc (Decepticons). The gimmick never really took off; mainly because Western fiction never really knew how to deal with them. Hence, Transformer sized humans. Japan got it perfectly, but that sadly wasn't available in the west until about 2006.

Pretender Monsters were scaled down Pretenders with a rubbery shell (all the others had been plastic). They could also combine into the 'mighty' Monstructor (about the size of a deluxe toy now), who was multicoloured and awesome. According to the Dreamwave bio, he exuded a force field that sapped lifeforce. This makes him even more awesome to me. Of course, I didn't find out about this until 2002 or so. If I'd have known circa 1989 about this, well, I would have a Monstructor.

I think a lot of people at IDW think this too, as they've made him their official 'first combiner', as opposed to, say, Devastator. Wildfly obviously is a part of this, although he's never had much characterisation in their comics. This is very much the same for any other comic he's appeared in (two others; Marvel G1 for ONE story, and the last GI vs Transformers for Devil's Due), Monstructor has been the main guy, the rest of them have just sort of been there. As is often the case, this is a bad thing, as Wildfly's Tech Spec bio, whilst not being the most maddeningly interesting or even original, still has merit, and in the context of the other Monster Pretenders, could have been used to great effect.

They toy is a Micromaster in a rubber shell; that's pretty much it. He transforms into what is a bird because HASBRO SAYS SO, and his shell is some form of vampiric ghoul (it was never really ever made that clear).Obviously he's made more to combine with the others or live in his shell, so I'd wager not much effort was ever really spent on his robot or alt-modes.

I think I like Wildfly and his brethren so much because I've never seen them in person. They're almost like forbidden fruit, or a living dinosaur. I want them, because I will probably never have them. Monstructor is so ridiculously expensive if you can find him, the chances are it's something I'll never own. Which makes me wish sometimes that I HAD never known about him.

#28: Crosshairs (1987)

Apparently Crosshairs is a toy that almost everyone has owned at some point. It's a memo I wish I'd gotten, as I've never owned him. I don't think I ever knew anyone who had him as a kid even. It's a shame, because, like all Targetmasters, Crosshairs is cool. Yes, even though his toy isn't the most interesting, he gets a pass, because the gimmick is awesome. Yes, even though his fiction appearances are few and far between, and not even that great, he's allowed into the cool club because Targetmasters are amazing. I'm that shallow and impressed by little robots that turn into what Hasbro tells me is a gun. I'm a man with a problem, I know.

Crosshairs, like I said earlier, didn't get much fiction. He was in The Rebirth, but as those of us who have seen it know, it's a toy parade and nothing more.Neil Ross got to do a neat Ronnie Reagan impersonation for a few seconds, and that's it. In that story, we should be thankful even for that. In the comics he fared better, but not much. He was, of course, in the Headmasters miniseries, but like the cartoon, that suffers from robot saturation. He popped up in the Matrix Quest, but was more than likely killed by Thunderwing, as he wasn't seen after the confrontation on the Autobot flagship. In IDW he's popped up here and there, but hasn't really done much yet. Yeah, Crosshairs is one of those rank-and-filers, it seems. There to make up the numbers. Which, as with a lot of these kind of bots, is a shame. His Tech Spec bio is pretty cool, the guy who won't take a shot, won't waste ammo unless it's absolutely necessary...I can see a story about a sniper in there somewhere, a good character piece. I may write it someday. Unless Rocherts gets there first, of course.

I said his toy wasn't great, and it's not. It's not bad, but it's not one of the better toys from the era. He's very bulky, almost Tonka toy bulky, and his head seems small and flat compared to the rest of his body. Pinpointer (his Targetmaster partner) isn't brilliant either, but he is functional, and I guess that's all that truly matters. Crosshairs' alt mode is the star here, he's a great big Cybertronian monster truck. Let's face it, what kid doesn't love that?

Crosshairs, and indeed all the Target, Head and Power Masters are all in severe need of the Classics/Generations treatment. Come on Hasbro, you know it makes sense.

#27: Astrotrain (1985)

If there is one fact of the 1980s that cannot be denied, it is this: kids in the 80s LOVED the Space Shuttle. Pre-1986, anyway. But before that, the Shuttle was everywhere, marketed like you wouldn't believe. Even in Japan, where they made a toy to look both like the Shuttle, and an old steam locotmotive, for some reason. Hey, Japan. There's your reason right there. Regardless, Hasbro execs thought this too good an opportunity to let slip, so they shifted the colours from white to grey, made him look a bit more Decepticon-ey (it's a word) and hey-ho, you have Astrotrain!

To be fair, the Triple Changer gimmick is still good, even today. To have what is essentially three toys in one is no mean feat, and a triumph of toy engineering that they even resemble what they're supposed to. The problem with them came with the fiction. How? Why? When? These questions didn't really get answered until the Dreamwave comics came around and told us that they were mostly Shockwave's experiments. In the cartoon, they just appeared from nowhere. Even then, the writers didn't seem to know what to do with them, especially Astrotrain. So they fixated on two particualr words; carries cargo. That's pretty much what he did. The only two episode where Astrotrain seemed to have something other to do than carry cargo were 'The God Gambit' where he seems quite imposing, and 'Triple Takeover' where he seems to think that normal run-of-the-mill trains can actually hear him. Not good.

The toy itself, like all of the early Triple Changers, is tiny. Really small. To be fair, his Classics version isn't exactly massive, but I always recall Astrotrain to be exceedingly tiny. In the words of Vic and Bob, almost too wee. Good, though. As I said, for it to even resemble both a shuttle and a train, nevermind a robot, is nothing short of superb. I salute the Takara toy engineering department.

As for Astrotrain himself, I demand more fiction. And a bigger toy. I demand both of these things. Don't get me to set Astrotrain and his massive gang of Intercity 125s on you.

#26: Huffer (1984)

I need a Huffer toy in my life. Not just because like me he's "cynical, hard-boiled and pessimistic", but because I'm still suffering from envy from about 28 years ago. See, my friend Rob had him, and I always wanted that little orange truck robot to myself. I mean, look at him. He's so darn cute. Mainly because he's built that way, the original Japanese Microchange toy being superdeformed in the first place, but he's still cute. Huffer would probably hate that.

Another reason I wanted the toy was the fiction. No, not the G1 Marvel comic (although he was an ever present in that, at least for the first few years of publication), and definitely not the cartoon (where he was, let's face it, a whiny little gimp), but the Ladybird fiction. He was in a few stories, billed as the Autobot's go-to guy for engineering (rather than Wheeljack, as in the cartoon), but the story where he got the chace to shine was 'Autobots Lighting Strike' - and he didn't disappoint. He was awesomely miserable, crotchety and grouchy. He was also an engineering whizz, who was terribly good at his job (so much so that in Decepticon Hideout his work was of such a high standard that the Autobots had to mess it all up again - read the story to find out why). So Huffer, even though he was a tiny orange truck, was always awesome to me.

They toy, it has to be said, has problems. To be fair, it is from the mid to late 1970s. But still, the arms were never that great (on Huffer or Pipes, the retool/repaint of the mould), looking very much like smokestacks slapped on the side of a robot. Which, let's face it, is exactly what they are. Because he's VERY early G1 though, he gets a pass. That, and the fact that the rest of him more than makes up for it, the cab becoming the top half of the robot is a master stroke, and his legs actually look like legs and not a joined together lump of plastic.

All in all then, Huffer's as great a toy as he is a character, just like 99% of all the Minibots are. Great little toys that could be carried anywhere, and in the fiction, usually with bags of characterisation, just for that reason. Huffer, I salute you. Not that it matters of course. Life. Don't talk to me about life.

#25: Spinister (1988)

I'm pretty sure I owned Spinister. He's one of the ones I have to put my hands up and say that I'm not too sure about. I've played with the toy since, so I know how cool it is, but I can't honestly remember if I had him as a kid or not.

I do know one thing. That Spinister is cool. I adore the fact that he's a bit of a mystery, that no one seems to know anything about him, Autobot OR Decepticon. I loves the mysterious characters, and Spinister is certainly one of those.

In the Marvel G1 comics, Spinister was part of Thunderwing's Mayhe Attack Squad (the Decepticon version of the Wreckers). But Spinister was never subservient to Thunderwing. He was more of a thinker than the others, more willing to go against Thunderwing if he acted too crazy. To Spinister's mind, Thunderwing leaving Needlenose to the tender mercies of the Matrix infused horror on planet VsQs was too far.

The fact that Spinister rebelled always made me like him. I like the fact that Furman writes Decepticons who ARE for their cause, and who will stick together and not split apart when things go wrong. They're an army, after all, and armies don't usually cut and run or leave comrades. Not most of the time, anyways.

Spinister's toy wasn't amazing, but neither was it bad, some of the detail (especially on his face) and the double Targetmaster gimmick are cool,and his loud, bright colours just about typify the later era of Transformers to me. His Tech Spec was great too, a marvellous example of the writers really having hit their stride with the Transformers bios.

It does look like the James Roberts has struck again with Spinister - MTMTE #7 features himself, so I would imagine he is now nigh impossible to find on the eBay. On the other hand though, if he's more popular we might get a modern version of him that isn't just for Botcon attendees. Hmm...

#24: Backstreet (1988)

As Backstreet's bio suggests, he's twitchy, nervous and jumps to the wrong conclusion. So, perfect for a robot whose main function is being one giant hair-trigger weapon, then. Seriously, the Autobot's psyche analysis sucks. That said though, the only time this was really relevant in any ficiton was a text story from the 1990 UK Transformers annual, "Trigger Happy". Backstreet messes up an ambush, and coming to the wrong conclusion about the circumstances, he goes on the run. Other than that, his G1 fiction was limited to 3 other stories from the US comic. Par for the course for the mid-run of Transformers characters. If you were toys from the cheaper end of the market, chances were that you'd not get too much of the limelight, that being reserved for your Powermasters and Optimus Primes.

That said, he still has a very strong bio, and if ever Roche and Roberts want to expand on his appearance in IDW's More Than Meets the Eye comics, then I would certainly welcome it. I think that there's a lot that could be done with ol' Backstreet here. (If only I were any good at writing...)

As I said previously, Backstreet's toy was of a cheaper pricepoint, the 'pocket money' end of things. Still, he had a great gimmick, of spring-loaded chromed weapons. My mate Andy had the toy, and I always really liked it. It's a good design, and the gimmick's pretty fun. The only real niggle I have is that it doesn't have back wheels; by virtue of necessity (the gimmick gets in the way), Backstreet's car mode doesn't have back wheels, rather one wheel underneath, and the illusion of wheels with stickers where they actually should be.

That said, it's a fun toy, with a nifty gimmick, and a good bio. There's not much to dislike with Backstreet. Now bring me more fiction, Rocherts! Or maybe not. I want to buy this guy without having to sell a kidney first.

#23: Buzzsaw (1984)

Buzzsaw is the poor relation to Laserbeak in many ways. Because he came packaged with Soundwave unlike the other cassetticons, there was no real need to advertise and 'sell' him in the various fictions, so as a result, he was underused in the cartoon. True, he did take out Omega Supreme in the comics (I'm not making this up; Buzzsaw the cassette condor took down the baseformer Omega Supreme - look it up), but he was destroyed by Underbase Starscream not long after, and did hardly anything of note before either of those things. He also appeared in one of the Ladybird audios, Megatron's Master Plan. He didn't do much, though. Just flew about a bit. It was still more than Laserbeak did though.

Hence, Buzzsaw is better than Laserbeak in my eyes. He's the underdog, the guy who nearly became the star but due to economics, was pushed into the background. Plus, his bio is way more interesting than Laserbeak's. Buzzsaw is an artist, a creative type. He creates art from the twitching corpses of his victims, turning them into so much more than they were before. He's like Warhol, or something. Except he never got his 15 minutes of fame. Not yet, anyway.

I always enjoyed the cassetticon toys, I love the transformations and all their varied permutations. I just think it's very clever to be able to get such a range of different toys out of what is essentially the same shape. Wonderful stuff. Sadly I've never owned Buzzsaw, but one day my friends. One day. I was hoping that he would be reissued with Soundwave, but alas, that, of course, was Laserbeak. Damn limelight hogging condor.